Scared

im scared.
scared of you leaving.
daddy just brought you to the hospital.
coz uncle boon came to see you.
called rourou up to ask bout your condition.
she said to bring you to the hospital right away.
coz at this point of time, you might leave me soon.
even in the middle of the night.
i wanna go see you. but i dont know what
can i do after i see you.
i'll probably cry. weep. sob. or even bleed.
but i still cant do anything but pray.
and at this point of time again,
people start to come. telling me it's ok.
be strong. be brave. i gotta let you go.
but you see, im sick of those words.
sick of all their sad faces when they dont have a clue bout what i feel deep down inside.
yeah. have been hearing and listening to those words over and over again.
till now, it finally has no effects on me anymore.
im cold. and as hard as a stone. im cynical. im emo.
im crazy. im crappy. im not hungry either.
believe what you want. but that's me. and now,
im really not ready for this yet. my mind's not registering well enough.
or, i could be running away. from the real problem.
and that is what will i do when you leave. i seriously wont know what to do.
this is happening too fast. i cant catch what's going on.
i cant. i dont want to either.
and now, i feel like vomiting. i dont know why.
yuck. i pray that you will be ok. but if you really have to go,
please god, take him in the easiest and painless way.
thanks god. very much indeed.
so god help me. help me stand up somehow.
help me to pull through.
but sometimes i wonder. am i really that bad a girl that you have to take people i really care and love away from me? maybe i should just leave myself. that might be better somehow.
sigh. i dont even know what im thinking right now.
my mind's not straight anymore. it never will be.

when will you be home she asked
as she watched the planes take flight
we both know we have no clear
answer to where my dreams may be

i'l be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart
to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away~~

> von out <