Rants

von got back home at 10pm last night when classes ended at 7.30pm..
why u guys must say?
it is because....
today 31st may 2007, is a holiday for Singapore!
and so... the kiasu people are so kiasu that THEY have to COME in to GOOD OLD JB to SHOPSHOP!
cant they shop at their own country???
anyway, i waited for A STUPID bus to come for AN hour!!!!! yes... ONE whole hour!
then the bus came.... took the route to woodlands.. cause there was a jam everywhere.... and then.... JAMMED too...
so von decided to walk to the checkpoint.. so got out of the bus, walked and walked and walked like a dead corpse once again... until like after 25minutes of walking, reached woodlands checkpoint.. felt quite happy for awhile... hehe
and then went in.. scanned my passport and blah.... went to line up for the BUSSS.. i was cursing and cursing... okla maybe not cursing.. just complaining to myself bout singaporeans.. cause, i was SURROUNDED by them.. the people in front of me keep talking bout where they are gonna go eat when they reach...
i was like 'omg.....' talking bout how cheap things are and blablabla....
argh~~~ finally got on the bus.. and waited for dad to pick me up... reached home... look at the time, 10pm!!!! wahahahahaha.... my legs were already protesting in anger that they did not wanna move a single bit... now i know how important my legs are... gonna massage them later... hahahaha
see! im going mad! i knew it! and now, it's about 12pm.. and von's studying her beverage.. she's only at page60 of chapter6... but have to finish 188 pages... from chapter 1 - 9.... oh my gosh.. im only at page 60 after 1 hour of studying...
great. so now, back to my books k??
will update soon i guess... oh ya..
von's gonna stay in a friend's house on friday night..
cause after our test tomorrow, the whole class and 2 or 3 other classes are needed to go do SERVICE for SAFTI... with approximate of 500pax... means 500 people to serve! and that they say the event will end at bout 11.30pm... and i won't be able to get back by then... so im staying with a friend! yay~~
wish all of us luck.. hope that we won't screw things up! yeah! we can do it...
okok.. im so gonna die if im not back to my books... hehe
oh ya.. no offense to the singaporeans i know whom i love so dearly yeah?
hehe you know who you guys are... that's just me venting my anger...
JB is flooded with singaporeans~ im not going out today~

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world

\ ^ von out ^ /

updates!

sorry peeps..
havent been updating lately..
sorry ting.. hehe
now here's an update k??
been really hectic for the past 1 week la...
had so many things going on..
be it in school or at home... my brain was like so damn full of stuff..
it was super mega extremely full to the top.. like overflowing kinda full...
yeah.. had 3 tests going on for that week... and 2 presentation to finish.
it was really full... u could imagine... and now, im left with 1 more last paper...
and it's the hardest... have to read 188pages of it... it's called Beverage...
sigh..... someone.. help?? haha
i dont know what to blog already...
just damn damn tired already...
and von's fine.. dont worry..
still trying to adapt to the life of living without uncle black...
oh gosh... cry~~~~~~
ok.. i have nothing else to say.
chaoz peeps...

this could be the start of something new
it feels so right to be here with you
and now im looking in your eyes
i feel in my heart
the start of something new~

! von out !

Sigh

i dont know what to think.
what am i suppose to do?
i went for school. and when i came back,
you're gone. you left me.
did not even wave goodbye.
i saw the last of you yesterday. you seemed to be damn irritated by us. chasing us away.
why?
cause, you are so unselfish. you did not want us to worry about you.
you did not want to trouble us. everything you do is to think of us first before you.
she said she visited you just now in the afternoon.
she said you held on to her hand for quite some time.
like you were telling her something.
like you knew that you have not much time left.
like you were saying your last goodbyes.
i should not have stayed back in school.
i should not have gone out.
i should have came straight back.
at least i could get the LAST glimpse of you.
but no, i did not. i came back late. cause i did not want to come back and listen to stupid news like this. i cant take it.
and when i finally got back, they said they pushed you to somewhere.
cause your heart practically stopped beating.
but it also seems like you were waiting for me to get back.
i could have reached by that time. i could have.
but i chose not to.
im sorry. i truly am.
sorry for not being with you when you needed me.
sorry for leaving you to deal with loneliness alone.
sorry for not caring for you enough.
sorry for all the 'nots' that i didnt do.
i love you. though i did not say it. but actions do speak louder than words.
im gonna miss you.
miss the way you laugh. the way you do things.
the way you wear your hat to go out. the way u wear your dark glasses looking so cool.
the way you cut grass. the way you drink your black coffee and eat you cha kuey.
the way you buy ice cream for me. the way you never get angry with anyone.
the way you used to cycle just to buy breakfast for me.
the way you strike lottery and gave me some of it.
the way you gave me chicken to eat and had none for yourself.
the way you do things without wanting our help.
the way we had to talk louder to make you listen.
the way i talked to you to ask you things. to ask you to eat.
tell me, you did not suffer when you left right?
your heart stopped beating. did you let it stop by itself?
they say you couldnt be saved anymore.
i know you're old. i know.
but.. i dont even know what's that but for.
all i know what to do is cry. and it doesnt help a single bit.
im not strong enough for this. im not.
im hurting. im in pain. im in agony. im emo-ing.
im dying.. my heart died when your heart stopped beating.
i hope you are happy now. at least raine and mama is there welcoming you.
you wont have to be lonely anymore.
but i guess i still have to suffer more before my turn right?
you have suffered enough. in this life.
you have indeed lived well. you even got the chance to move in with us to the new house.
so god, please grant him a place in heaven.
grant him eternal peace. grant him no pain and agony.
grant him a good life up there.
that's all that i can ask for.
do not worry bout von. she will be fine.
she WILL be FINE. do not come asking her anything.
cause she is currently veryvery UNSTABLE.
so after you read. all you need to do is SHUT the HELL UP.
by doing that, you have done a great deal to her.
thanks.

baby fly away. it will be my turn to fly soon.

cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

when you go, would you even turn to say goodbye?

sir, i wana buy these shoes, for my mummy please,
it's xmas eve and these shoes are just her size,
could you hurry sir? daddy says there's not much time
you see, she's been sick for quite awhile,
and i know these shoes would make her smile,
and i want her to look beautiful
if mummy meets Jesus tonight.

i am not afraid to keep on living
i am not afraid to walk this world alone
honey if you stay, i'll be forgiving
nothing you could say could stop me going home

i love you, i loved you all along.
and i miss you far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me and you never go
stop breathing if i dont see you anymore
so far away... far away for far too long.

how could this happen to me?
i made my mistakes got no where to run..
in a perfect world, this could never happen.
in a perfect world, you'd still be here.

~ von out ~

Scared

im scared.
scared of you leaving.
daddy just brought you to the hospital.
coz uncle boon came to see you.
called rourou up to ask bout your condition.
she said to bring you to the hospital right away.
coz at this point of time, you might leave me soon.
even in the middle of the night.
i wanna go see you. but i dont know what
can i do after i see you.
i'll probably cry. weep. sob. or even bleed.
but i still cant do anything but pray.
and at this point of time again,
people start to come. telling me it's ok.
be strong. be brave. i gotta let you go.
but you see, im sick of those words.
sick of all their sad faces when they dont have a clue bout what i feel deep down inside.
yeah. have been hearing and listening to those words over and over again.
till now, it finally has no effects on me anymore.
im cold. and as hard as a stone. im cynical. im emo.
im crazy. im crappy. im not hungry either.
believe what you want. but that's me. and now,
im really not ready for this yet. my mind's not registering well enough.
or, i could be running away. from the real problem.
and that is what will i do when you leave. i seriously wont know what to do.
this is happening too fast. i cant catch what's going on.
i cant. i dont want to either.
and now, i feel like vomiting. i dont know why.
yuck. i pray that you will be ok. but if you really have to go,
please god, take him in the easiest and painless way.
thanks god. very much indeed.
so god help me. help me stand up somehow.
help me to pull through.
but sometimes i wonder. am i really that bad a girl that you have to take people i really care and love away from me? maybe i should just leave myself. that might be better somehow.
sigh. i dont even know what im thinking right now.
my mind's not straight anymore. it never will be.

when will you be home she asked
as she watched the planes take flight
we both know we have no clear
answer to where my dreams may be

i'l be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart
to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away~~

> von out <

Happy 100th!

hahaha.. yay!! this is the 100th post!
everyone say 'woohoo!'
haha okok.. i know it's not a big deal.. butbut.. i made it!!
and this blog is surviving!!! yay!!!!!
hahaha..

ok.. something weird happened today..
woke up at 7.30am to get ready for school..
reached customs, and i saw WanLin!! haha talked for like a few seconds.. and i left..
she kinda made my day!! yay! thanks baybeh!
then, reached bukitbatok kinda early, saw Brandon and Nicholas.. so followed them to McD to buy their breakfast... then met up with a few other people.. and we headed to school...
gotten ready for our 1st class.. and that is Food & Beverage Operation (Practical).. which means, we have to SERVE people.. and i was the Sommelier (wine waiter) of the day... got so nervous that i could like practically faint right there and then.. but i didnt la..
yeah, got everything ready.. and went to ask Mr Low some questions together with Chew Syin.. he was sitting at some corner on the chair.. i put my right hand on the table to steady myself la.. i was wobbly.. then asked him some questions.. and suddenly, he held my hand for 1 second.. and then, Chew Syin and i blurred... i was like 'whatte hell?' in my mind... then he was like smling... Pervert..... arghhhhh~~

anyway... after getting everything ready, the restaurant opened.... and in like 10seconds, the restaurant was full! everyone was moving so damn fast.... and yet slow.. the customers were complaining... and then it was my turn to go promote the red and white wine of the day! 6 out of 7 tables drank wine... haha! good! yay! but it's only rose syrup for the red wine, and orange juice for the white wine... and like after 3hours, we finished everything.... so damn tiring... it was time for debriefing... and Mr Low suddenly, out of no where, asked me how to make Shirley Temple (a mocktail).. and i replied him slowly while thinking bout my answer.. and he suddenly raised his voice.. saying that im the Bar Woman of the Year.. and that i would not climb higher than that... and he also asked me whether he was spoiling my day.. and i said 'you always spoil my day...' and he smiled.... OMG~~ he's always picking on me.. whenever we have this lesson, which is twice a week, i will freak out! coz he's ALWAYS ASKING ME QUESTIONS!!! he always blames me for some other people's mistakes...! what the hell man????
and yeah, he did spoil my day la.... i thought i was ok throughout the whole operation.. feeling quite satisfied with myself... and BOOM, here he comes, spoiling one of my happy happy days... almost blinked tears there and then... omg~~
after that, had Economics and we finished for the day.... was having a headache throughout the whole lesson... sigh..


yeah.. havent been feeling that happy these few days.. coz Uncle Black who is my granduncle and who stays with us havent been eating for 3days!!! he just drinks cold water.. and he's like my favourite uncle! he dotes on me.. used to cycle to the nearest shop to buy icecream for me, who gives me money whenever he strikes lottery, who just thinks bout all of us before himself, who is so damn unselfish... and not forgetting that he's 86 already...
somehow, i have a feeling that there will be a funeral coming on real soon... i cant take this anymore... 3 years ago raine, 2 years ago mama, and now....... argh~ i cant help but feel this way... this house is gonna be so damn empty... i dont know what to do to not feel this way.. the stress is coming.. stupid tests and assignments! omg.. im falling off the edge...

uncle black and max in austin hills.. xmas 05..

that's why you go away i know.

*~ von out ~ *

Flashbacks..

just some random pictures here..
was browsing through them awhile ago.
made me think back bout what has passed me by..
so yeah, just pictures here.

me in ven's hat.. austin hills golf resort.. 25/12/05

deniece, von, clara.. december 05

ra, von, ashley, ven 25/12/05

kim, von, clara 25/12/06 pure~

chris, von, xiumim

von, chris, fong

fong, chris, von, sookching, cassandra, suchin, louisa, xiumim

and here are the pictures that go way back into time..
from year 2001-2005
most of the pics here were taken on the last day of school..

weiyi, stef, kysha, tasha, lynette, twin, jasveen, sarah, xinyu, mel, michelle, des, mrs khoo, von, sabai, archie

von, chris

last day of school... sobss~

cheryline, usha, roopini, fareza, diyana, wan, faeza, louisa, amelia, chris, haifaa

xiumim, amelia, louisa, chris, fong, von = the sixes

sobss again..

jayne, von = best partners!

sixes =)

the nines = fong, sookching, cassandra, suchin, amelia, chris, louisa, xiumim, von

chris, tang, fong, ying

boohoo~

say cheese! (=

so Kim's emo-ing.. im emo-ing..
guess we'll both have endless night tonight...
sigh.

as we go on, we remember
all the times we had together
and as our lives changed, come whatever
we will still be friends forever~

and friends are friends forever
if the lord's the lord of them
and a friend will not say never
cause the welcome will not end
though it's hard to let you go
in the Father's hand we know
that a lifetime's not too long
to live as friends~

/ > von out < \

Day to remember?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!~
to the one and only mother who's dear to me.

yes, and to all of you mothers out there.
wouldnt be here without you
wouldnt be what i am today without you
wouldnt be doing what i do best without you
just really glad that you're in my life
no one could ever replace you.
sorry,
for all the pain and agony i caused you.
sorry,
for the times i was being nasty.
sorry,
just for everything.
but in the end,
i do need you.
and that's enough to know.
thanks mom. love you lots!

back then i didnt know why
why you were misunderstood
so now i see through your eyes
all that you did was love
mama i love you
mama i care~

* / von out \ *

Fun Time

haha..
i'll start with thursday...
had stupid econs test today...
hope that im not gonna flunk it la..
i think i can pass... yay!!
met ruby after i came back from sg..
chitchat and went home...
came home, bathed, and SLEPT...
hahaha.. this is the funniest part..
von slept from 6.30pm - 6am!!!
hahaha!! that's like almost 12hours of sleep!
mum tried waking me up for dinner.
but i just couldnt wake up at all!!
what the???? i think was too busy studying for econs..
hahahaha damn funny!
that can explain why i wasnt online last night..
hehe!

friday.
woke up at 6am today..
it was raining heavily.. did not wanna get myself up...
my bed was too nice to lie on... haha
yeah... so today had 2 classes..
food service management and beverages.
classes ended at 1.45pm..
got back at bout 3pm...
and went out with ruby, matsan, lincoln, apu, ven, wanda desmond, sarah, nadirah and jessica. haha had so much laughter today...
really damn happy to be with them... =)
hehe
kkk.. gotta go.. needta go pick clara up! for mamak..
yay! byebye...

u got hurt that day by the bitch. seeing ur sad face made me sad too.
u said what happened to u was what u did to me. so, is this your retribution? but u look so poorthing.
ha. but this is life baybeh. u gotta live with it!

i am not afraid to keep on living
i am not afriad to walk this world alone
honey, if you stay i'll be forgiving
nothing you could say could stop me going home

^ ! von out ! ^

Motivation

oh my lord...
there's an Economics progress test coming right up..
in exactly another day to go..
dont even know what the teacher is talking about
cause she's so stuck-up in her own sweet world.
expecting all of us to UNDERSTAND her subject...
lord. help. *smacks forehead*
someone help me study?
great..
gonna have Practical tomorrow..
and my job is to be a WAITRESS...
but i dont even know how to HOLD PLATES the correct way!
so someone help me again... ha.
great.
just great.
now dont go giving me all the pitiful look ok?
i have more than that to go around.
and the cramps are giving me another trouble.
so saddening..
in the end, it's all up to me now.
von's gonna strive hard now! jia you!
wish me all the luck i need k?

i miss you. i need you. i want you here but you're gone, far away from me.
so i shall stop griefing and start to move on right?

dan mungkin bila nanti
kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pinta ku jangan kau coba
tanyakan kembali
rasa yang ku tinggal mati
seperti hari kelmarin
saat semua di sini~

~ von out ~

exhausted-ness

i am feeling so damn tired...
now it's like 10.40pm?
got home at like 9.55pm????
haha
i dont know why..
went out on sunday morning with yenfong and xiumim
came back at 5pm... slept till 7.30pm..
then, ate my dinner and did some work...
and slept at 12am i think..
woke up at 6am today..
was damn damn damn packed at the customs...
fortunately, von wasnt late for classes at all! yay!
had classes from 9.15-10.45am, 11.45-2.45pm, 3-8pm...
that's my schedule for mondays...
so saddening.. yeah..
oh great. im having cramps all over!
let me die please
right. come on, let it rain!
rain rain come again~~

cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you~

! ^ von out ^ !

Weeeeee!!

as you guys can see, i have changed my template!
haha
and, i have added the 'true friend test' there~
so peeps... do your best k?? haha
so far, no one has gone over 50...
really do hope someone does~
this is so fun!!!
von's high~~
that explains the 'weeeeee' in my heading...
okok... having cramps now..
gotta go.. gotta wake up at 6am later...
so peeps, chaos~~

i hate you for making me feel this way!

since you've been gone
i cannot breathe for the first time~

> von out <

Cooking Day

*edited*
long post ahead.. beware..
okok.. monday, woke up damn early to go to school..
discussed bout our presentation with Sisi!!
so did not want to wake up coz it was so comfortable lying on my bed...
then reached school at bout 9.05am.. classes was at 10..
discussed bout our presentation and started classes...
first was Beverages... was watching the video which was like in the 70's or 80's kind??
hahaha we were like falling asleep watching it..
next, it was Restaurant Showmanship.
from register, von's name is the third..
and during this lesson, the first 6 people in the namelist gonna like perform or rather clean the place..
the first 2 made Caesar Salad..
the next 2 (me) made Warm Spinach Salad.!!
first time von frying something!!
friends said it was quite nice!!
HAPPY HAPPY!!
after that, had our lunch and continued with practical!
which is from 3pm-8pm...
classes ended at 7.30pm.. i rushed home..
reached customs, my eyes like teared...
coz it was so D-A-M-N P-A-C-K-E-D!!
as the next day was Labour Day, lots and lots of people had to come in to good old JB to shop! waaaaaa i can die crying there...
reached JB at bout 9.05pm... looked for louisa and went home..
helped her with her lappy and i asked my mom
'mum, can i take the car and go out to have something to eat with her? nearby and for awhile only'
and mum said 'ok.. be careful ar!'
HAHAHAHA von took the car on her own!
HAPPY HAPPY!!!
that night, von slept with a smile on her face.



tuesday. Labour Day.
woke up at like 10am...
lazed around and took my bath.
clara came and fetch me to church for youth meeting at 11.45am...
meeting ended at 5.30pm!!
went back home, slept and woke up to do my presentation for the next day..
stupid econs teacher.. did the powerpoint till like 12.30am..
and then i fell into deep slumber..


wednesday.
woke up at 6am..
gotten ready and headed out..
reached taat house.. and there was a JAM!
i freaked out... i was going 'omg.. im gonna be late!!'
hahaha and then dad took another route..
however, i was not late at all!
i was damn early! hahaha
met SiSi!! and discussed again about our presentation!
had Practical lesson, was dozing off... and then had a 1.30mins lunch break!
went to West Mall and mammam!!
got back, then it was time for my Presentation!
the stupid teacher was bombing my group for 40minutes with questions.. while the other group for 20minutes...
we were like some pathetic idiots being bombed by her!
and that kinda like ruined my day la!
we prepared the thing in 2weeks time and she doesnt give us any credits?
STUPID! hahahahaha


thursday.
went to school as usual la..
woke up early too!! 5.50am..
got to go back a lil earlier coz trainer not free..
reached JB city square at 3.45pm..
waited at my shop.. dozing off while waiting for mummy to pick me at 5...
and haqiem was like trying to tickle me by tickling my knee..
trying to keep me awake...
got home, took my bath and slept for awhile..
a friend brought me out for mamak at 11.30pm
the following conversation left me no choice...

friend:saturday, we go istana garden jogging at 7am..
then we go for breakfast
after that, i send u home, u bathe and then i bathe,
then i come pick u, we go watch Spiderman-3
me: but i have to go church from 4.30-10pm...
friend: then i send u to church at 4.30, and pick u up at 10pm to go mamak.
after mamak we go celebrate friend's birthday.
after celebrating, we go mamak again!
me: what about my beauty sleep? im like so damn tired!
i travel in and out of singapore everyday.. besides, saturday is my day to sleep longlong!
friend: you dont sleep for one day wont die la... you can sleep on sunday!
me: argh~ so now you have planned MY saturday for me la?
friend: no... i only plan part of it...
me: -_-'''


friday.
woke up at 5.50am again..
had Food Service Management... then Beverage from 10.30-12.45pm..
was watching video for Beverages..
and as usual, being the tired me, dozing on and off during the video! hahaha
then, after school, hanged out with SiSi and elina..
and went for lunch with Thomas big guy, Randy baybeh, Guoyu, Tionglin and Yanliang...
haha so happy~~
got home, SLEPT for only 1 hour... wanted to sleep for 2.. hehe
and then, woke up, makan and drove to church..
met Clara, Angila and Stephanie there...
went Zorro after church... mamak till 12am..
and now me here blogging..
so dreading for tomorrow to come...
von does not wana go jogging!
boohoohoo~ somebody help?
friend keeps reminding me that i have to get up early to go jogging tmr!!!
argh~~
till then,
take care peeps~

u were playing with me. what is that suppose to mean?
u still like me? or something else? confused.

wo ke yi
pei ni qu kan xing xing
bu yong zai duo shuo ming
wo jiu yao he ni zai yi qi

~ von out ~